Independent.

Now that I realized I can be independent, I want to go to the library and explore for fun. Hehe. It's not a problem anymore. I really have no choice but to go alone, or else I have to wait, which is wasting time, worst part is when I have to depend on people. That totally sucks. Transportation. I feel really bad depending on people's transport. I don't know why but It kills me! It's okay to sit on your friend's car, the problem is when you always do and don't return them a ride. I feel so so bad and want to poke myself. I love being equal. Like 'you drive me I drive you.' I am the type that remembers how many rides I owe people and how many they owe me. Not exactly how many. But I see a difference. Hehe. Scary. LOL! I hate when somethings are limited, when you can't do it. I feel really grateful that I can utilize the car and explore the world. Without the car, I am unable to go out if I suddenly feel like I want to. The other day, I drove to my favourite mamak shop and bought biryani. Lol. Felt so free to do whatever. I don't care if people don't trust me when I say I'm going alone or when I say I'm going out nearby. Because I know it's too good to be true. Even I cannot believe myself. Why would a girl wanna go out alone? Isn't that just weird? So, like people who don't trust me, they'll say, 'oh she's going there to meet 'someone', 'some guy''. At times, these kind of things will bother my mind. I also will think like that, like I am to see someone secretly. No! You got it all wrong... I just feel that sometimes being alone is just a choice I have to make, when no one is available, when I am just fed up of coming home early. Hehe. You see, when you're alone, you can do almost anything you want, without anyone disturbing, without having to agree with others that mostly disagree with me. Hey, It's not that I prefer to be alone. I just sometimes feel like I have to, or just want to, just fed up of people. Lol. When people show that they don't believe me indirectly, I just have to go my way and not be bothered, sometimes cross the line. I know I am not doing anything wrong, I know I am not going out secretly, I just want to go out alone, so I don't care whatever you say, I am going to go out alone, whether the permission is granted or not. Because I feel that nothing is wrong. I don't even go out for long hours. I always set the time limit and then declare. (There's always an obstacle before stepping out of the damn house.) Just today, I already set the time. 2 and a half hours. I must be back by 12pm. I got caught in the traffic and lost my way, so I was late a few minutes. I was so guilty of being late. I'm not pleased. WTF is wrong with people and their old-fashioned thoughts? If I say I am not going out secretly to meet someone, in whatever tone I say, I am telling the truth! It is up to you to believe... Wait, who doesn't know I always laugh? Even in serious situations, I will burst suddenly. That is so me. Something funny will come to my mind and I will laugh. So, like this, you will expect me to laugh, and you think I'm lying when I'm telling the truth. I see that serious face when asked, where are you going?! Go see boy?! Now laugh!! And then sometimes I get scared myself thinking that I will be meeting someone there. Goodness! Hey, if I limit myself to all these crap, I will never get to explore the world. Seriously I know what I am doing. I think my mom is being ridiculous. So paranoid. And that's why I just couldn't care less but to break the rules. See ya :)