From the back

Firstly, I swear this is going to be very long. Very, very long. Keep your eyes wide open cause I'm gonna rewind back what happen for the past 3 weeks.

It’s 7th June today. Let's go back, to 14th May. The event was Miss Ruhi's farewell party.

Miss Ruhi is my Mathematics teacher. She came in on the month of March as a practical teacher and left after Teacher's day. The first day she walked into the class, I thought she was boring. But at the end, she had made me understand some things that I can't. For the past 3 months, I observed many things about Miss Ruhi. First, she is a very elegant person. She dressed well and doesn't wear the same clothes that makes you bored like Mr.Somu. Miss Ruhi puts on make-up everyday. She look good and active with her make up on. Besides that, I notice Miss Ruhi is a very patient and cool person. My classmate, Natasha and Hayati always eats in class. And Miss Ruhi would never be strict to them. She allows them to enjoy even though it is not allowed to eat in the class. 

The best thing I see in Miss Ruhi is she is a very punctual person. I always thought that, teachers wouldn't wanna stand right in front of the door just after the bell rings. But Miss Ruhi, to my surprise, always at the door seconds or a few minutes away after the bell rings. I hate it cause I sometimes wanna take my own sweet time, thinking that the teacher would enter late, and I can hang around. But Miss Ruhi always enter on-time. Very different from other teachers. Actually, I felt quite bad because kept laughing and making others not concentrating. 

When we all heard that Miss Ruhi is done teaching us and is about to leave, we planned on making a small party. There is a lot of chaos in deciding which period to use on making the party. In the end, the last 30 minutes of the day is use for the farewell of Miss Ruhi. The party was simple. Friends brought snacks, gassy drinks, and many more. Hayati bought a big chocolate cake. Well, we all paid for it. I remembered I brought a bottle of Pepsi, 7 up, and a big packet of Lays. 

At the end, the Pepsi had finished my 7 up and Lays went missing. Ok, I know who took it. Fine, it’s alright. But it’s kind of funny because people can snatch things away in split seconds. When it was time to divide the things, it became chaotic. Since the bell had rang, everyone was rushing home. I was opening a packet of sweets and spreading it out and the people was like grabbing and snatching all over. Wow, I felt pity for some who didn't get a thing. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Anyway, below are pictures of the event. Enjoy.

Next, we go to Teacher's Day which is held on May 17th

In the morning, I went to school as usual. I stepped into the school from the front gate, while walking in, I see students with huge gifts. Then, I saw my friends. Prefects are called to gather but when I went there, there were not seem to be bothered about us. So, I left and rather chit-chat with my friends. The weather was terribly hot. The flowers I bought started to wilt. 

This year, Teacher's day was different. There were this special part. The freeing of pigeons and the balloon cutting. The RTM radio thingy. I didn't cared much about teacher's day. First, I dont have the time to go out and buy gifts. Actually I want to give every teacher a gift, but I don have the money. It's always my mother's money that has to be spent. Plus, the things now ain't cheap. What is the cheapest and the best thing that a teacher would love? 

People say, ''you do not need to buy expensive presents, all that matters is your sincerity''. Yeah right. Teachers nowadays love expensive gifts, hello! Who wants a cheap 555 notebook or a mug?  I know, my way of thinking is totally negative. But what can I do? Well, I think that teachers surely want jewelleries and all those expensive stuff. I think that teachers don really appreciate things. 

My intention to attend school is to see the performances. But at the end of the day, I'm disappointed with the performances. I get so mad. My school is talented with guitars. Almost all the performances have guitars. It boreds me to death. The last one was this hip-hop stunts that open everyone's eyes. Part II got even worst. I went late to the Alamanda hall, and so I had to sit at the back. The crowd was wild. Screaming all over. Like shit. The performances was all guitars. OmggggOSH. The singing is out? There was one. Dancing? Not good. I'm very sorry to say. This ain't good! Anyway, I can't say much. Pictures for a better explanation. Enjoy.

    I know, not much pictures. I don care. The End.

NEXT!, Tuesday, 18th May

After my moral class, I went back to my class, I was told that the class had a new boy. I whirl round to see who was that. Oh! It's Ahyad Nabil. Who the hell? A smart kid. Whatever. He doesn't look friendly AT ALL. The next day we are about to sit for our mid-term examination. The whole 2 and a half weeks. Can you imagine that? Aah!!! The pressure is on. So, everyone was studying, revising. Hey, did I say 'suicide' / 'bunuh diri' for 50 times? You know it!

Wednesday, 19th May

The tables were already arranged. The hardworking boys from my class arranged it the day before. Good thing they are around to help. The teacher's table had moved to the back. Everything was in order. 

The class monitor then proceed in positioning the students. Okay, I found out that I'm sitting beside Malati! Cool! Nice chance to talk! I realize we have something in common. We both are weak in Add Maths. 

BM was moderate. Anyway, I'm so furious with myself. So irritated. On the day before the exam, I had a  paper that wrote about self defense. I'm supposed to pass that thing to the teacher but I didn't. I kept it at home. Since the paper is plain black and white, with my writing that is not attracting me to read at all, I just left it there. 

When I got my BM paper. I flipped the pages and see the questions. It asked about self defense. I got so mad I WANTED TO PULL ALL MY HAIR OUT! Almost want to kill myself!!! Why on earth I didn't even spend 5 minutes reading that stupid paper!! Omg! You just imagine how mad I became. I keep telling myself why??? WHY???? WHY?!!! 

My friends kept telling me. ''Hey! Where got like that?'', ''No! You should ...'', ''I thought the teacher said....'' I tell you, I can't take it anymore! This is the first day of the exam, and this had already happened. What about the days to come? Then, they continued, tomorrow English, ''you sure can one lah'', ''I know la you smart''. Sickening.

Thursday, 20th May

It's the English paper today. Paper I was okay. Like always, the questions are always confusing. When I'm done with paper I, I ask around. ''Eh, just now you answer what? 'A' or 'B'? I answered A , they answered B. Omg. WTF was I doing? 

I know I did multiple checking. It sucks. That question just tricked me! Aah! This is what happens when I THOUGHT I did the right one. Never mine, I said. Just chill. 

Paper II arrived. I flipped back to see the literature question. At the beginning I was cool, and then I panicked when I'm about to do the question. What the freaking hell is wrong with me? I hate when I panicked, I will forget everything and I get zero for my stupid act. 

The paper ended, and my friends started ''esok Sejarah'', ''alaahhh aku tak suka Sejarah lah... susah doh.....'' Then I was like ''what....... (speechless)''

Friday, 21st May

2 days had gone, now comes Sejarah. HISTORY! A SUBJECT THAT BRINGS PEOPLE TO SLEEP. I'll hide in my 'cloud' while others just dream on. Ha Ha. At first I was excited. I love History. Memorizing is very fun. Paper I, moderate? Paper II, hard like shit? The essay part, I screwed up. I lost of ideas. I just can't think of much to write. 

I look at other people, omggosh, why so long? Then it all ended up with frustration. I started saying ''I should have....'', ''Why I didn't done that?!!'' The most stupid stupid thing that I done is, I didn't memorize this one thing. I know it's going to come out! BUT I didn't memorize it! WTF............. 

When walking back with my friends, I kept complaining and complaining. Mahirah said, ''do better in your chemistry exam next week! Stop thinking about the past.'' Okay okay. Then I reached home. I still can't stop thinking about my mistake. Saturday and Sunday I don usually do anything. It's the weekends! I need rest!

Saturday & Sunday

I started making plans of where I want to go on the holidays. What I want to do. Hey! Exam's not over yet! Trips to Mid Valley & SPCA Selangor. Wherever that can make me happy! It's crazy.

Monday, 24th May

Chemistry Paper I and II. I can't quite remember because it's 7th June right now. But as far as I know, It's HARD. Nothing much to say. I did many STUPID mistakes. That is all I know. My friends started poking me ''esok Bio... tahu la kau suka'', ''esok Bio, mesti kau boleh...'', ''esok Bio, tahu la kau pandai...''. The same thing over and over again. But in the end, they are the ones that score higher than me. Shit. -.-

Tuesday, 25th May

On this day, I'm pretty much excited. It's one of my favourite subject, Biology. Anyway, nobody runs away from mistakes. How much I love Biology, I still do mistakes. You just don realize it until people tells you!

One major part that drills my head. Meiosis. I struggle at that time. There's no time to memorize the details of Anaphase I and II, Metaphase I and II. Oh. I can't. The hypotonic and hypertonic part also confused me. And again, you know it. ''esok Physics! aku tak boleh la...'', ''esok PHYSICS, aku tak baca lagi...''. I am so use to it :)

Wednesday, 26th May

Physics paper! Everybody is out of their wits. To tell the truth, I never pay attention in class. In Physics class. Oh, really. I never ever. I can't understand a thing. Even If I try to make myself to listen, I can't! I'm always laughing, joking, all kinds of crap talk. 

Physics was hard than ever. Alia almost cried, I and Aisyah simply gave up. The next day's paper made my mood go even worst. Additional Maths. Go die. Anyway, I went home telling my brother, I just failed my Physics. The reaction was nothing. You know I'm not good at Physics. Just look at my face!

Thursday, 27th May

I came to school like nothing. Like it wasn't Add Maths today! I felt cool, relax. Revising time, I was confident. I thought, I can do it. The last 2 hours I was discussing, doing exercises.  

BUT the last 10 minutes was so freaking scary. I became nervous. Since I failed in the first term, I've got the fear that I'll fail this time too. And I did ==.== But please, failing many times doesn't mean failing forever. 

When it was time. I settle down and wait for the paper. When I got it. I started crying. Seriously. Automatically tears started dropping. You must believe it. I can't take it. I just did that question and now I can't do! Serious guys. I just did it. 

You know why? I tell you, the effect of the fear I had causes me to panicked and I just suffered a short memory loss. It so heart-breaking. I'm shivering and trembling in fear. When I look at the side, I saw Malati, having the same fate with me. She puts on a unhappy, given up face. 

Thank God, someone know how hard this is. For a weak in Add Maths person like me, I just need lots of time to regain my confidence. Malati said ''let's pass up the paper right now'', ''I said wait, let's just try, the back questions, on indices .'' 

I was so sad. The Ashley Tisdale ''It's all right, It's ok'' song just played through my head. I changed the lyrics that are related to Add Maths. I'm desperate for help at that time. At the end, I told my friends I done only 8 out of 22 questions. They didn't believe me and thought that it was some kind of a joke. But I didn't laugh at all. I stood stagnant thinking that they will understand my weakness. 

Instead, they kept saying ''HUH? WHAT? REALLY? WHY?'' ''gila..kau''  I tried convincing them ''Hey, you must understand, it's not that I'm gonna fail forever''. ''Please understand, I am weak and I know I have to do something to change this if not I am gonna be pushed way back''. ''People does mistakes and change'', '' They are called top scorers because they had failed before and learn from their wrong''. 

But, it crushes me down when one says ''you said that before and you didn't change!''. Oh my, come on, do I really need to hear that?? I WANT SUPPORT!! Finally I let it all go. I swear to Malati, this will be the last. I hope God forgives me for every sin I commited. I just don wan to fail anymore. I now come to know that the effect of talking bad about teachers is strong. I went home, again, saying that I failed my Add Maths. Ha Ha. 

Friday, 28th May

It's Wesak day. I'm glad It's a holiday.

Sunday, 30th May

At 9pm, I watch a Hindi movie with my brothers. It is from 9pm-12am. The movie is twisting all over and very tricky. In the end, It's interesting. I'm holding my Mathematic text book while watching the movie.

Monday, 31st May

I sat for my Maths paper today. Paper I was completely down. I'm so freaking sleepy, I kept yawning. Paper II is out. Form 3 questions are in my Form 4 paper. Great. This is ridiculous. I totally forgot every single thing I learnt in Form 3 and I don wan to ever remember it! The worst part is, it came out those hard and confusing questions like circles and solid geometry. Shit. The questions in the exam bewilder me. I'm so gonna fail.

Tuesday, 1st June

Today, I don need to sit for any paper because it's for the indians. Tamil paper. I thought of not coming, but Fathiyah insisted me to come as I had to finished up my 'peka Bio' and pass up to the teacher right before the holidays start. Many people took opportunity to play truant since none of them is sitting for the Tamil paper. However, I notice, 4 Perdana has the most attendance. About 13 compared to Putra which is only 5?

Wednesday, 2nd June

It's Chemistry paper III and Biology paper III. I'm confident for my Chemistry paper. But Biology paper has too much to memorize. At the beginning I thought Chemistry was going to start first. Then, I was shocked to know that Biology is first. 

Among many experiments, I had a feeling that 3 out of many is gonna hit the papers. I pointed out to my friends the ones that are popular and are about to come out. They started doubting me and said other experiments also has possibilities to come out. But my teacher only mention 3 main topics. Why should we read those that are not related? People going round saying. 'Eh I think this one', ' Eh I think that one'. But I'm sure, none of it except for the one I had said. 

True enough, when I got the paper, what I said is real. I can do it. Well, not that excellent. But at least I'm right. When Biology is over, I straight away grab my Chemistry book. I memorize all well enough. But when it's time to answer the questions. I started losing my memory slowly. It sucks. There is one part. The procedure. I didn't even realize that I missed a step. And the Observation, I miss out something. Oh gosh, I'm so berserk. I tell you, I really can't do this. I'm actually able to answer every one of it. But something goes wrong. And there I go, making mistakes. Zzzzzz

Thursday, 3rd June

Moral ! Moral is great. I did everything my teacher told me to. The paper was good. Just have to use your common sense. But I was shocked to see the amount of questions printed on the paper. Thinking that I will have sufficient time in answering all the questions, I wasted time looking around, relaxing and so on. 

When I was on my way answering the essay questions, I found out I only left around 30 minutes, and I had to answer 2 out of 3 essay questions. I panicked. Really. I managed to complete the essay. But It would be better If I had more time, cause I had no time to check. But overall, moral paper is easy :) Moral lesson - time is precious.

Friday, 4th June

It is the last day of exam. Ohhhh man!!!! Soooo nice!!! Nevertheless, we have to end the 3 papers before experiencing the joy. Physics III is psycho. I don know what the hell the question wants us to answer. My graph went wrong or right I have no idea.

Civic paper is cool. I did calmly. Mr. Somu gave us chance to pass the paper early to revise for the next and last paper, PJPK. For once I felt that Mr. Somu is doing the right thing. Is it good mood that affects his attitude? For once I appreciated his good deed.

Anyway, PJPK had so much to read. I didn't had enough time to read all. I was lazy to read too. I was hoping that there was no structure questions because if there is, I'm dead. And I want to Thank God because there is no structured questions. The teachers are smart, they know we don read PJPK.

At the final moments, everyone was excited. I can see the look on their faces. When the bell rang, everyone showed a sign of relieved and freedom. It's over! Let's party!

Saturday, 5th June

Here I am, finishing the last bits of the events, correcting errors, spelling checking, and the words. This is the whole 2 and a half insane weeks that I've been through. Now it's time to plan something interesting to do throughout the holidays!