If only she knew
If only she knew, that I crossed the line, oops, HER LINE, I will be so dead. Like seriously, DEAD. That's the thing, even with my own girlfriends, she is doubting them. She scared my friends will pakat among themselves or with boys and something will happen to me. Jeez! She is really paranoid. Well, she became more paranoid after she read news and postings shared by people in Facebook. She watches videos about robberies, snatch theives and other crimes, then later show it to me and warn me. She's becoming more negative to the world around her. And I become the victim. My world becomes more limited. My freedom... is slowly being taken away. I can't be living like this. I have to make a decision and not let her control my life. I can't let this affect me. She can't control me 24/7. And I need to make the best when i'm out of their sight. It's the only way to enjoy full freedom...when they aren't watching me. So yeah, talking about crossing her line, if she knew how brave I have been, I will be so dead. Cause in the past 3 months, my social life changed a lot. I grew so much. I can totally say I was never like this before. (Not that I have became bad or what. Just so much different from last time.) I am amazed at how people can influence me, and how I can influence them. It's ok. In this world, we learn both the good and the bad. We just need to know the difference. Take the good, leave the bad. I'm being really positive here. I have no regrets about the changes that was brought into my life. I am grateful that someone step in and turn things around. My perspective towards things has changed, for the better. You know it. I used to say certain thing in the past and now I'm going the opposite. I'll be laughing at my friends' reactions. This time, I think they are being lame. There is once I said to their face in a conversation, I said, ''I prefer having direct conversations than behind screens. When you're face to face with others, you can read their body language and see their reaction. It's better.'' I can't believe what I'm saying either. It's naturally coming out from my mouth, and I don't feel like I'm saying it. It's like a new me saying it. My friends will be like 'Woah, sometime ago, you said a completely different thing'.
I am very well aware that I'm not going overboard. This is moderation. This is what I should be doing. I'm not even close to being bad. What I'm doing is nothing compared to what other average teens are doing out there. Smoking and stuff. I can't help people who are shallow-minded or old-fashioned. They just can't seem to understand. I'm now completely open minded and I'm starting to take risk. I need to dare myself (although I'm still intimidated). I can't always be a coward, I still am. Also, whatever people do I try to understand and I don't say a thing, I don't question. Because I know they have their reasons. And for whatever reasons they give and no matter what the reasons are, I will understand. Negativity needs to stop. I just want to benefit from whatever I take risk in. All these exposure is just gonna give me experience. Wanna do anything? Do it now. Don't delay. We don't know how much time we have left. Just go and do whatever you like. I don't want to be looking back one day and regret why I didn't do what I wanna do. I don't have many choices. So when opportunity comes, I need to grab it fast. What are the chances that it will ever come again? It's either now or never. With all the stress and pressure, my mind becomes messed up. I don't have time to think, so I rush into making decisions, and things go terribly wrong. This is life and I'm not perfect. I just don't care anymore. Cause there are so many things to care about in this world. My hair could turn white worrying about every single thing. So, the whatever attitude comes in. I gotta say I'm really sorry for acting like this but sometimes I just got to. There are just so many things to worry about in this world, and If I care about every single one of it, my hair will turn white. Honestly, I think a lot! It's crazy! Anyway, that's all for now.
I am very well aware that I'm not going overboard. This is moderation. This is what I should be doing. I'm not even close to being bad. What I'm doing is nothing compared to what other average teens are doing out there. Smoking and stuff. I can't help people who are shallow-minded or old-fashioned. They just can't seem to understand. I'm now completely open minded and I'm starting to take risk. I need to dare myself (although I'm still intimidated). I can't always be a coward, I still am. Also, whatever people do I try to understand and I don't say a thing, I don't question. Because I know they have their reasons. And for whatever reasons they give and no matter what the reasons are, I will understand. Negativity needs to stop. I just want to benefit from whatever I take risk in. All these exposure is just gonna give me experience. Wanna do anything? Do it now. Don't delay. We don't know how much time we have left. Just go and do whatever you like. I don't want to be looking back one day and regret why I didn't do what I wanna do. I don't have many choices. So when opportunity comes, I need to grab it fast. What are the chances that it will ever come again? It's either now or never. With all the stress and pressure, my mind becomes messed up. I don't have time to think, so I rush into making decisions, and things go terribly wrong. This is life and I'm not perfect. I just don't care anymore. Cause there are so many things to care about in this world. My hair could turn white worrying about every single thing. So, the whatever attitude comes in. I gotta say I'm really sorry for acting like this but sometimes I just got to. There are just so many things to worry about in this world, and If I care about every single one of it, my hair will turn white. Honestly, I think a lot! It's crazy! Anyway, that's all for now.
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